used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
