Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
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She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
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We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
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