I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
