i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
