i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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