No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
