u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
