He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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