Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We have started to decorate penises.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
