Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
