Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
