Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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