i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
