I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize