theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
