I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
