sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
