420 ftw
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
