You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
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He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
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I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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