you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
