Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
