remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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