She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
