The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
