Got a toothbrush?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Pants are for mortals
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
