Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
