Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
