I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
So squirting runs in the family.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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