Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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