My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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