i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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