Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
