My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
