He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
