she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
