He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I love having hate sex.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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