I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
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Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
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I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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