my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
where are my eyebrows?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
