Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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