Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize