That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
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