There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
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