I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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