I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
be right there i have to get my cape
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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