oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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