I think I am morally bankrupt
My cat gives me a boner
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Randomize
