i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize