I have demons in me.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
