you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
