yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
