I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
