shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
being pregnant is like rehab
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
