Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
