today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
