Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
