What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
