Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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