I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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