I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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