i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
