My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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